John pulls the stack of mail from the mailbox, and notices the all too familiar label and print from the Internal Revenue Service. Immediately, Dread arrives. How will you pay them John? You knew this was coming. What will you do? whispers Dread. He sits down at his desk in the family room and tears open the envelope. See, I was right. You owe them. Whoa! A lot too! Man, oh man are you in trouble now! Dread says from the corner of John's mind.
As John glances to the bottom of the page, he sees it. YOU OWE $10,000.00. He feels sick. He has $500 in the bank. He spent all of his savings on his daughter's wedding and now has nothing left to pay the overdue tax bill. What am I going to do? How am I ever going to pay this?
This is stress. And only one of many for John. Like all of us, he is faced with events that create stress. But what exactly is stress?
I think we all sort of know what stress is, but if we were pressed for a definition we would suddenly have a long, "uhhhhh" response.
Stress is:
deadlines approaching
deadlines encroaching
bills looming
dollar bills zooming
running behind
running out of time
when too many need you
when too few believe you
scurrying and hurrying
while worrying and worrying
more than you can muscle
despite all of your hustle
good
bad
too much
too little
what shackles me
what frees me
Stress is the ultimate paradox. It does not matter if the stress is physical, mental or emotional, the reaction and result is always the same. Without stress, we wither and die. With too much, we become overwhelmed, beaten down and cope in whatever way we know how.
Stress occurs when demands exceed resources. The question becomes how large of a gap exists between the demand level and the resource level. The greater the gap, the greater the stress. Your options are either to lower the demand level, increase the resources or both.
Of course, doing something about stress can be a stressor itself. If you spend more money than you make, the most obvious and simple answer to lowering your stress is to stop spending so much. So, if it is so easy to identify, why is it so hard to implement? For the same reason you continue doing yard work even though it hurts your back. The same reason you keep running even though your knee hurts. The same reason you don't eat enough to fuel your body. The pain of change is greater than the pain of not changing.
Bizarre in many ways but so universal we can label it as a law - Kelsey's First Law of Human Dynamics: Those in pain will choose to stay in pain until it rises to such a level it can no longer be ignored. Change will then emerge.
What pain is begging you for change?
Make today count.
Doug Kelsey
Author. Teacher. Therapist.
