How To Relax Without Thinking About It

Have you ever tried to relax or had someone tell you to? Well meaning people utter the phrase and it seems to show up around the holidays - that glorious time of year when you have way too much to do, too many parties, spend too much , eat too much, drink too much. Your neck is tighter than twisted rope, your back hurts, your head feels thick, and you can't wait for the happiest time of the year to just pass. And then, someone looks at you, in all of your knottedness, and says with a sweet grin, "Just relax! Chill out!"

Try it sometime. Try relaxing. The more you think about relaxing the less relaxing actually occurs. It's like saying, "Don't think about a white bear," and all you can do, no matter how hard you try is think about a white bear.

So, how do you relax?

Here's what I do and, I admit, sometimes I get wound up over nothing too (someday I might tell you about the now famous Thanksgiving microwave incident).

Relaxing is the absence of thought and the presence of feeling. Pay attention to what is happening in your body and not in your mind. Focus on letting go of the things you feel in your body. These will be mostly areas of tension. Dale Goldstein, the Founder of the Heartwork Institute, gave me a great audio file that guides you through an "awareness meditation" and it really works. I use this on my iPod. It takes about 15 minutes. Then, I might choose some favorite music and just really focus on the mood it creates. When I'm done, I feel lighter, better, happier.

I've found though that achieving relaxation is a lot like increasing your physical strength. It takes practice and repeated efforts. The more you do it, the "stronger" you become. When I stop practicing relaxation, those "muscles" atrophy and I lose the feeling of being relaxed and try to be relaxed.

So, try practicing feeling relaxed more and thinking about it less and you will be relaxed.

Doug Kelsey