I wrote this in 2003 and it's one of my favorites. And, since we're getting started on a New Year, I thought re-visiting this View might be helpful to you. At the end of it, I have some new information for you about how to deal with frustration, anger, or other emotional pains. I hope you enjoy it.
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Standing in the long check out line at Best Buy, I noticed a young woman with her two children, an older man by himself, and a family of five. They didn't know each other but shared the same look. They all looked unhappy. Then I glanced around the store and there were more. More people everywhere with that same gaze.
I see people chasing things they can never catch; running from things that will never catch them. And there are no smiles. Frowns. Worried and furrowed brows. Down turned lips with eyes that no longer see. They stare. They miss so much. They miss themselves.
Sometimes injuries can rob you of your joy. Snatch it out of your soul silently and with such deftness you don't even know it's gone. You have a hole in your heart the size of a truck and desperately fill it with whatever you can.
And so, the quest goes on to find something, anything to fill the void. To mend the heart. To find the joy again.
When is enough enough?
Enough money.
Enough control.
Enough space.
Enough time.
Enough anger.
Enough vengeance.
Enough bitterness.
Enough power.
Enough speed.
Enough strength.
Enough fame.
Enough stuff.
Enough food.
Enough drink.
Enough love.
When is it enough?
When will you be fulfilled? Satisfied? When will you be happy?
What keeps you from being you? When is being you enough?
Joy comes from an open heart. Sometimes the pain is so great, we close our heart to avoid feeling it. We substitute bitterness for pain. But, joy cannot dwell in a closed heart. To find your joy again, start by acknowledging your loss. Let yourself feel it. Talk about it. Then, let it go. Pursue something new. Help someone other than yourself. And suddenly, the hole in your heart is filled.
Go find your joy again.
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Since I wrote this in 2003, I discovered something unexpected about how to deal with a closed heart. At the time, everything I read strongly recommended talking about your pain; venting, getting things off your chest. And, while this still can be helpful, it turns out writing about it is even more helpful. Taking time to jot down your thoughts and feelings in a journal is an effective way of purging yourself of the emotional struggles. Researchers aren't sure why or how this works. It might be that when you write, you can be completely honest; transparent. You don't have to worry about what the other person might feel or say. Or, it might also be that the act of writing forces you to view the situation in a more neutral or objective way.
Whatever the reason, if you find your self frustrated by a situation and can't seem to get past it, try writing it down.
Make today count.
Doug Kelsey
Pennebaker, J.W., & Chung, C.K. (in press). Expressive writing, emotional upheavals, and health. In H. Friedman and R. Silver (Eds.), Handbook of health psychology. New York: Oxford University Press.
Pennebaker, J.W. (2001). Disclosing and Sharing Emotion: Psychological, Social and Health Consequences. In: M.S. Stroebe, W. Stroebe, R.O. Hansson, & H. Schut (Eds.) Handbook of bereavement research: Consequences, coping, and care (pp. 517-539). Washington DC: American Psychological Association.